I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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