its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he fucked my hip out of place.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Two words: blizzard sex
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
