I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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