hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
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I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
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Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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