Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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