My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
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If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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