i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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