I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
