i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
