Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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