Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
