I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I need moral support for this bender
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
