I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
