i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
