??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just gift wrapped bread.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
