The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
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Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize