party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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