happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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