You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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