Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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