I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
