ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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