I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
