Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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