how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
