I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
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he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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