those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
