holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
