Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize