Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
