You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We have started to decorate penises.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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