Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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