Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
