Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
