halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
