It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
