Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
