I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
