The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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