8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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