Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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