just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
