I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize