i was born a porn star she said
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
