pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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