You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
