im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
