I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
