Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
