I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
