I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
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Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
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She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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