there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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