Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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