Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
