The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
