as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
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OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
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First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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