She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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