She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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