i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
home. puking in laundry basket.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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