just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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