I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
